The thought of you

The playful thought of you, though truly hopeless,

was enough to save me in a sea of restless dreams. 

Waves of existential crisis, of pain; being faithless,

brought to stillness, to hope amidst the night's extremes.

You were this beautiful thing, this feeling I almost forgot,

and its not so much that there was ever even a chance.

I know very well the secrecy of my emotions and thoughts,

its just...it felt so good to allow for fun, for impossible romance.

But you,

You will never know more, never see beyond the wall,

never see how the nights fell, how the lies were oppressive. 

You were invited in, beautiful and young, loved by all,

you will never know how apathy can be so...impressive. 

Amidst the sermons of brotherly love, of care, of faith,

there was nothing for me...but empty speeches on stages.

Amongst that crowd of empty faces...I never felt safe,

just an unwanted guest locked into layers of hurtful cages.

The playful thought of you, though truly hopeless,

was enough to save me in a sea of restless dreams.

In a time when my heart was a bleeding, broken mess,

I allowed myself to smile, if only briefly,

to think of you, and slowly stitch the seams.