Just words

The dual nature of what I want,
mixes between the words I say,
and the way my body
responds to you...

I am unable to not see you, darling,
my heart quickening if I linger too long,
on the tip of a frozen fortress...
I will never know deeper.

This sudden desperation to be everything...
you could ever want, betrays my vanity.
maturity straining over what I know I should want...
and this adrenaline addiction.

Familiar movies play out in my mind,
scenes picked for potency, play out,
you, my perfect actress, and I,
anything but this desperate to hold you.

And why am I trying not to cry?
Why must your beauty remind me,
that the triumph of my survival here...
fails to impress you?

But I know better than to show any of this,
treacherous tightrope I walk,
never getting too close, never wanting too strongly,
anything that could be taken from me.

Between the words I say, my heart speaks,
the silence growing, my mystery well worn,
my apathy...anything but real...
and my mask begging to be taken.