occasional thoughts

Here's to the thoughts that find us in the stillness of the night. Here's to the quiet that cant be ignored. World, my mind is taking me places I no longer want to be. My reason is even and the symmetry of the situation is beautiful, but in such a sorrowful way. Its with a writer's smile that I simply enjoy the caliber of irony present in life. Relationships in life are full of double edged points and principled lines. Im separated from people by insincerities and hypocrisies beyond my ability to change. Very early on I realized how my eyes would never allow me to be blind to the simple nature of mortal sin. But constant in every breath, I am saturated in realities I cannot address. They are there, within me, around me, and above me and they leave me alone. Caught in my silent vigil and left to wander in their wake, I spend my nights busied with life or often like this; contemplating the loneliness of the witness unable to not see the world around him.

I wish it was with some empowered and emotion fueled tears that I typed such things, but sadly it has become something of acknowledged and accepted fact. As a veteran of this world, I have come to be free within myself. There is even enjoyment in my life. For the most part I find too much time to smile lately. And there in lies the constant irony. That which I crave is a righteous happiness and yet those two are often set in opposition to one another. Do I reach out to love and pluck it from it's forbidden tree? Do I connect to a family grown distant from the principles they no longer wish to be bothered with? Do I ignore the history separating me from my home and fall into its arms?

And it must be a thing of rare beauty to see the death of a phoenix fire; the triumphant and elusive ending of an ancient immortal. A death caused by a love so red and toxic in its passion, that even a mighty poet of fiery flight could not endure it.