mind at rest

I come from a long line of over emotional and anxiety drenched people. It has always been a goal to find a serenity of mind and stay within that peace. For too long I have dreaded the 30 or so minutes between the worries of the day and the comfort of sleep. And though i may not have found the quiet mindedness of a bird in flight, I have in the least set out my sails for open water. The peace of the open ocean, "no past, no future" has come over me. Once again, I have a journey before me and its one that i can take. No more of this impossible expectations crap. The open water is calling to me and it resounds over the waves with power.

"But I force a smile, knowing that my ambition far exceeded my talent. There are no more white horses or pretty ladies at my door." ... Life goes on. The what ifs of my life use to force their way down into my head so far that my heart couldnt let go of them. The problem with this is...I have no more room for what ifs. I hate to so melodramtically, typically, and incessantly return to motifs of love but what else is there to life. We are all simple expressions of love and so we seek it out in each other. I wonder how many volumes of my soul I have devoted to the understanding of purity and love. Just enough to know what I want. And that is not something everyone has. I know what i want, what i really want out of life. Granted, 18 and all figured out seems a little at odds with itself, but the important things is that my mind is at rest with itself. My wings are free and all my debts have been paid. The sky lies open to me, like my mist hanging over the water. Now i can soar, I can begin anew, and find my june.