heart at peace

I want to share a moment but I lack either patience or time to express it in a poetic format. Put simply; today was a good day. Today, was the day after a challenging day. On this ordinary and, if anything, uncomfortably hot day I found relief in the shade of my family. Under a tree in the back yard of a personally significant house I watched my nephews play on a water slide. And sitting in my spot, I was neither detached or pensively removed. Sitting close enough to get the occasional spray, I was right where i wanted to be; with family.

The concept of home is something of a fragile and delicate thing in my head. Though my conscious life was lived in KC, the air never smelled right to me. I moved when i was young and i left something behind in that move. Again, I dont want to attempt some kind of poetic ellegance so Ill leave the "something" to its own ambiguity. Whatever that thing was that I left, I never really got over not having it. KC was so artificial to me. It was a patchwork and a sham of everything i believe in. However, I do not regret my time spent there. Dont get me wrong, there are names and places in OP that will never go away. Both, things worth missing,and others worth a small label on a wine bottle tucked away in a closet. Yet, all of those things belong to the past now. They are written in a chapter that has a wax seal. Its not that i want to forget it all, its just that my views on life are a little more forever inclined. Spilled milk and all that i suppose.

Anyway, I have always been reluctant to tie myself down to anything, yet my hands are tracing the lines of cord that has been hiding from me. Caked in dust, it has been waiting patiently for my attention. Though i am always debating things in my head, I think its safe to say that ive reached a conclusion of sorts. This cord in my hands bares all the weight of my ever elusive home. Its like I jumped the gun 8 years ago. A fourth grader tried to make a home out of rotten wood because he could not reconcile his heart with his surroundings. When that world fell apart I was unable to find myself. I lost sight of what really mattered in my life. And standing on a pile of rubble, i clung to the embers because thats all i had. Desperation in one hand and naive romanticisms in the other could but fuel the flames. How easy it is to become self destructive...However time has moved along as it always does and life is catching up with the predictions my mind made. Because though my mind could for see the temporal quality of my state, the heart is desperate and falls into despair easily. Finally, the two can be at peace with one another. Words cannot convey how i have waited for this day; for this day to be real, not just a poetic forcast and a thin veneer willed into existence. How i have waited to find a place of goodness to rest my mind and my heart. A place that could satisfy both and form the foundation of a new life. Well, all i can say is...today was a much needed, must sought after, and an "exquisitely rare" good day.

Was this a freewrite?