The last pause

Its in the air now,
I can see it,
Feel it,
Taste it.
And i want it more with every passing day.

The familiar battles of head and heart
Have become a life style.
I am at war,
With myself,
With the world,
With you.

That longing...
So entrenched in my soul.
Sometimes i wonder,
If i could meet all my desires,
Would that really heal the scars?
Or have i become something,
A haunting of my former self?
Never whole...
But forlornly waiting,
Waiting for a train that simply
will not come.

Yet, this feeling.
Like the presence of a dream.
There is almost
The faintest flicker
Of hope;
Of dormant acceptance.
Resolution is not something
I can attain,
And i know that
now.

Slowly now,
I am coming to terms with who i am.
This emptiness,
Has become my name.
Hurt and pain are beyond me,
There mark however,
Is all that remains.
And i cannot fight that anymore.

-------,
Your name is written upon my heart,
Inscribed too easily and
With careless hands.
I cannot be removed from you,
You know that,
I told you a long time ago.
My thoughts will always bend toward you
With a dull depression
Of unfulfilled desire.

Ah, but this one saving grace...
But a simple promise,
Remains far more sacred
Than my gaudy heart.
It's there now,
I can feel it.
The world's rebirth has called to mind,
A peace I use to know.
A joy,
That i loved so dearly.


Distance and time
Will become my companions.
Like guardians of my spirit,
They shall watch over me.
For i can no longer exist in this world.
I must shed a life I gave away,
Never to return.

I am bound by immortal promises,
Timeless convictions,
And eternal haunting.
Only a small chance of redemption,
Lies untouched...undefiled,
And only that
Can yet grant me pause.