Updates

 Its strange to think how dependent we are on the system and society that we grow up in. I spent 4 years of my life devoted to the protection of others and their property. It was an isolating, soul aging, and solemn task. The ritual of my days was spent in sleep deprivation and a vice like grip on my perspective. For my efforts, I was able to make a very meager wage. A wage that came at the cost of my social life, time with my friends, energy for my faith, and opportunities to walk in the full light of day. Its so hard to explain to someone that hasn't lived that life...just how estranged you feel from humanity. At the end of that job...I was put into a position that required me to choose between my religious obligations and my profession. With equal portions of fear and relief...I walked away from that career. It was terrifying.

Almost 1 year later, I have graduated with a Software Development Bachelor of Science. My mind tore through the curriculum ravenously. I forgot how it feels to focus on your own goals and your own development. Though I recognize the danger in allowing selfishness to get normalized...it was perhaps my turn to spend my energy on myself. 

My new career starts right where my old professional salary was topping out. ... And another 10k on top of that. The movers came to pack up my things and ship them to my new home ...free of charge. I will have my own space now and my own world. My goals will be met within the span of months instead of years. 

I pause and reflect on what I have seen these past years. 

Nothing in this life is fair. It just isn't. Why was my life saving profession valued so little? Why did the system of administration for that profession make it so costly on my life to do that virtuous work? Why is it so hard to help people?

This next chapter has been penned in the blood, sweat, and tears of my 20s. Now I look to the tending of my own soul. I will make my salary. Meet my goals. And pursue my own spiritual health with or without my friends. You just can't wait forever for people to figure things out. 

(I leave this channel open. This back alley correspondence with clandestine references and remembrances in hopes you will continue to consider. We have walked very different roads. My road isn't always self sacrifice and deprivation. Sometimes there is triumph. Sometimes there is the fulfillment of a years secret thought.)

Ill continue to leave little life updates from time to time. 

Moved back home. Now I'm moving away again. 

Got my preferred career. 

2022 is about the body. Time for my appearance to match the unconquered and mighty spirit that has been held back from prying eyes. I never focused on improving my appearance much. It seemed a foolish pursuit. Now its time.

With my mental fortitude tested and challenged...I focus on improving the rest of my form. As I get older too... I find my contemporaries to be more and more engaging. The level of intellect and wisdom I demand from those that would be my partner...is difficult to live up to. This new category of age is refreshing. The body just doesn't impress me as much as it once did. 

In many ways. I feel it within myself. It is time.