Of June

I.

In all I do there is a frustrating of plans;

a contradiction of should and is that

generates much of the inner turmoils I feel.

It seems so silly to ignore the wisdom

of aged and learned men when i know that

they are right and i am simply wrong.



I have years too few

and character too weak to know anything.

And dont find fault with such a statement

because I dont suffer from a lack of self confidence.

Rather i acknowledge both my strengths

and my weaknesses.

youth yields a brilliant power

but with the burden of naivete.



Humanity has such a covenant with time

to live within its boundaries.

sometimes these restrictions seem too harsh,

too unconcerned with their heart breaking repercussions.

Why should i come to yearn for all the things

that i cannot have?



I am trapped in a chronological oubliette.

There is no evil i can face,

no dragon to slay

because all of my demons attack from intangible terrain.

They are only the imperceptibly

and unintelligible imperfections of my existence.

They cloud and confuse,

strike and sunder,

reap and revel,

to the sound of my defeat.






II.

I am standing here yet again,

on this precipice of promise.

My life is becoming volatile with potential energy,

just waiting for something to activate it.

The cliffs are high and the fall would be fatal

but once again i can stand for nothing less.



My heart and my mind yearn for the thrill

of victory and the rush of battle.

A soldiers life is not something we choose,

born into this fighting,

theres blood on our hands by 14.

In roaming squads we pick our compatriots and hope for the best.

So many never make it.

All the promontory points that we are rushed into.

Like a stampede of little owls,

whos to say we will learn to fly?

III.

The common and simple things

that portray love are often overlooked

because they are both common and simple.

But i am definitely not one to miss

such an admirable character.

Suddenly the things of my life seem so foolish.



Why has my story become so common?

Why is it that everyone has the same

heartbreaking experience with love

but we dont seem to relate to each other any better for it?

It just feels like there are some fractures

that will forever mark us.



God's perfect design,

like a field of fresh snow,

can never be recovered once someone

has put their footsteps upon it.

When someone's foolish feet

have tread upon the sacred places of the heart,

it can never be made right again.

There is always an obvious reminder,

a ghost in the shadows,

a reminiscence of sorrow,

an unfaded scar.

always an exacted retribution

for the sacrilege in giving away keys.







IV.

But standing here amongst the hidden heights,

i am availed to past and present;

Where ive been and where im going;

Who i was and who i want to be.

Such thoughts often come to people

in times of change and decision.



Well if ive learned anything about myself

its that im not that special.

Most typical behaviors and stereotypical assumptions

could go under my profile.

Even so Im at a crossroads,

as many my age eventually are,

and it is time for me to take a leap of faith.



All the plans i have planned,

and all the dreams i dreamed.

The realization of such blind hopes

were beyond my blessings.

The difference now is held within my hands.

In these two hands of mine,

I hold the original copies of all the keys i gave away.



Maybe i cannot lock her out,

or hold her in,

maybe i can simply build a new life

in a new world of my design.

From this quiet vantage i can see an undiscovered territory

of beauties beyond my years

and somewhere out there my future is waiting.